Why I Fear Showing

We leave for Pre-HOY tomorrow and I’m terrified, for the dumbest reason.

I’m not worried about boxing nine horses there and back – I trust the drivers. I’m not worried about the horses – they know their jobs. I’m not worried about the kids – they’ve worked hard. I’m not even that worried that Exavior will knock my brains out (OK, so I’m a bit worried about that, not gonna lie).

evil but so cute wow

Oh, no. I’m worried about what they will think.

I’m so worried about what they will think when Exavior loses his brain and pulls away from me and kicks the judge or something. She can’t handle him. She’s no horsewoman.

Or what about when somebody notices how scuffed my saddle is, or how the girth really doesn’t match either the saddle or the horse? What does she know? She’s such a newbie.

Or when everything dissolves into chaos and I arrive in my class with my collar sticking up and Midas galloping about with his nose sky high? She’s not good enough to be a trainer!

And you know, all of the above could quite probably be true. It could be impostor syndrome or it could be sense or whatever because right now I don’t really care. Because I don’t know what they think or how it’s gonna go on Saturday or whether or not I’m coming home with my brains in my head (although that would be nice).

or when they throw the turnout stuff everywhere. Let’s focus on the tail instead cuz I finally figured out how to do it

Here’s what I do know, and these are the truths I will hold up like a shield against any fear or doubt that tries to come between my kids and horses and calling and me.

God made me yard manager. He wants me where I am. I gave my life to Him and this is where He’s put me so by His power in me I’m gonna get this done.

I’m nineteen years old. I’m showing horses I produced, and kids I teach on ponies I produced, against some of the top riders in the country. My best horse was for free. My most promising youngster should have been dead twice over by now. Our yard has faced outbreaks and financial crisis and more drama in a year than some yards deal with in a lifetime and we’re still here, nineteen-year-old wet-behind-the-ears manager and all.

less evil and more cute

So they can think whatever they want. We’ll be late and our ponies will act up and our kids might spill Coke on their cream breeches (just kidding, that’s my signature move, they’re generally more sensible) and maybe Xave will rear and run away too but we’ll SHINE. God got us here for just one reason: to shine for Him. For our King Jesus, we will shine. We’ll keep our eyes on Him and we will shine.

And I’m so excited to go do that.

God’s will be done. Glory to the King.

Advertisements

About firnhyde

A disciple whom Jesus loved. Called to horsemanship, among other things, and an adoring spectator at God's own stableyard. Volunteer medic, Jersey breeder, occasional writer. Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. Luke 1:38
This entry was posted in Confidence, Exavior, Horses and God and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Why I Fear Showing

  1. You can also think about the kinder people in the crowd who’ve had similar experiences, who are probably thinking, “I remember when I had a young horse/inexperienced show kids/was just starting out” and how they’ll sympathize and understand what you’re going through. There are plenty of judge-y people out there, but I like to think there are more kind ones.

    • Such an amazing response!

      Firn, I am so pleased that my kid and her horse are in your team. You inspire confidence in her,.God, through you,. has given her the break into the horsey world that I never believed possible.
      To fully appreciate the changes you have brought to some truly crazy horses, through your training; one had to be there in the beginning to see just how crazy they really were.
      Finally, pre show nerves are perfectly normal.
      I hope that you sleep well and have a good day tomorrow.

  2. Avery says:

    Focus on the positive. You know why you are here and what you are doing. EVERYONE has mishaps. You can not stop people from judging, unfortunately, but that is not what you should focus on. Just focus on horse/your students/you. Trust your preparation and know that you have this. You have the best supporter of all. When things do not go as you plan, just roll with it. Stay safe and it will all be good. Most importantly, make sure your horse/your students/you have fun! I look forward to your report!

  3. Lola says:

    Good luck at the show!

  4. Lyn says:

    Don’t worry about those who are concerned about saddles that aren’t pristine, or girths that don’t match110%. You dear girl, when we get down to it, are performing for an audience of One. Keep your eye on Him and hold His hand and fly!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s